Sharon is the most wonderful sister I met on Facebook in the 2015.
You cannot engage in any discussions with her for more than ten minutes without receiving some words of wisdom and wonder at her intelligence.
Be it politics or academics or philosophy, she always had a thing to say. Her background as an art student and degree in Public Administration always reflected in her manner of speech.
When I finally met her, I stopped being surprised at the amount of likes and shares her posts get on Social media platforms. She is both a speaker and a prolific writer.
Talk about beauty, she has it full. She knows how to keep her hair healthy and neat. Sometimes, I go through her pictures and I wonder how she gets the style she sews as dresses. Be it gown or blouses, her wears are always spot-on and exemplary. Coupled with the customary sweet smile she wears in all her pictures here, I can confidently say she is one of the most beautiful dressers on this side of Facebook.
One Christian group on Facebook even used her picture as their cover photo, a model for other young ladies to learn from.
Sharon is beautiful and knows how to make herself look good while still maintaining her modesty.
She is the only daughter of her family and has been in charge of the kitchen since she was 12.
I can’t recall the number of times she has had to excused herself from our chats because she wanted to attend to her parents or siblings. Within months after we became friends, I realized her mom had left the motherly duties to her.
And it reflected in her manner too.
If you complain about something as light as tiredness, Sharon will call you and disturb you until you take your rest, a drug and your meal- all because she wants to see you better.
As large as her fellowship was on campus, she was chosen as the ‘Mother’ of the fellowship in two separate EXCOs.
Needless to say, she was more than a ‘wife-material’.
Why then haven’t I married her? Someone might ask.
Well, I have thought about the same thing countless times and let’s just say the verse of scripture, ‘Lay hands suddenly on no man/woman’ kept ringing in my ears anytime I reasoned it.
Besides, I am of the opinion that we are supposed to keep some of our female friends as nothing more than friends.
Anyway, the reason for this story is to emphasize something here.
Sharon will be 29 this year; July. And she still hasn’t been contacted for marriage nor has she received any revelations or leading to any brother.
It doesn’t seem to bother her that much; but it bothers me a great deal- it will bother you too if you were her friend.
I know she needs that companionship now, which even I or any friend, no matter how close, cannot offer.
She has her dream job already and almost everything she needs to live a happy life.
What bothers me more is that this is not an isolated case.
It is a trend we have all noticed in recent years but not many people are ready to talk about. That is,
‘People who are ready, good enough and have everything they need to get married are not even in any relationship even when long overdue.’
This is a common issue both to males and females.
Many of the people who are popular on this platform and who most people would expect would already be hooked are not actually so in reality.
But they never show it and you cannot even suspect it because they are strong and are not worried too much as to allow the ‘little’ delay bring them down.
However, we all know everyone needs this and as our creator declared, ‘It is not good for a (wo)man to be alone’.
So I dived into my mind and thought about the issue of fictional Sister Sharon above, of Brother Matthew, Sister Deborah, Mr Mark and Auntie Mary.
Out of my wilderness of thoughts, I have noted these four major reasons why the present generation of 23-and-above young adult Christians no longer marry early.
Likely Reasons Why Single Christians Have Stopped Marrying Early
If faith is biblically defined as the evidence and believe in a thing not even seen yet, fear is disbelieving what is present and glaring to you.
Countless times, even when the challenge of receiving God’s direction in marriage has been taken care of and we have gotten a clear leading, so many people still doubt what they have been given by God.
Because of the numerous bad stories of failed marriages they have been told, so many people have now developed a great fear for marriage and anything that comes with it.
Thus, when they pray for a leading, the fear drives out all faith and the answers do not come.
And even if the fear of marriage is not present, the fear of rejection can make a man keep silent and never propose especially if he feels the lady in question has a higher pedigree than him.
And this is not peculiar to men; even the sisters are quite afraid of committing their future to another human being.
The thought of handling over their life affairs or sharing it with some other human scares them; especially when they reckon it is quite ‘risky’ to be subject to a man who hasn’t been able to handle his own life and control his emotion.
Fear has held quite a lot of people back from following their heart even when it speaks with God’s voice.
‘Am I sure it is true love?’
‘Is God really in this?’
‘I hope I am not making a mistake’
‘What if she says NO?’
Will he even be able to love me truly?’
These are some of the questions that breed doubts and bring fear to most souls.
And ultimately, this fear stops both men and women from taking action.
2. Lack of Prayer and Concentration:
Let’s face it. So many of us are too lazy to really pray about the issue of marriage nowadays.
And those who are not lazy are too busy to create ample time to really seek the face of God and receive answers.
Many only pray when problems and troubles of life overtake them. And even when the storm is gone, they down their prayer tools and continue living their average dry and docile Christian life.
And then, how do we still have the effrontery to say we have not discovered God’s will for our lives?
So many of us are of the opinion that it shouldn’t take too much prayer for God to lead us right. However, if we can spend much time to pray for jobs and other necessities of life, Why not marriage too?
Moreover, with the social media distractions we have in our age now, it is becoming increasingly hard to focus on spiritual things for long.
Our lips are dry, our hearts are dull and our commitment to the things of God are low.
And what about sincerity in the place of prayers?
Many have formed the habit of speaking to God with Queen’s English and measured words as if our maker cares about vocabularies.
You realize you are falling in love with someone and you cannot even tell your Heavenly Father about it.
You cover it up with a blanket of pretence and never hone up to it.
Instead of telling God as it is, we have been ill-educated to wrap things around words and speak insincerely.
The social media platforms and our own exposure have painted some sorts of unrealistic pictures that we have changed into beliefs, principles and mentality.
Different quotes wash the internet everyday telling us about new fast and easy ways to have a beautiful marriage and choose a partner.
We now look out for things that were insignificant about ten years ago- and No, I am not talking about the genotype.
Many theories have now been given in the close groups on Facebook about how to spot a good husband material and the shortcut to identify a good wife candidate.
And then, when we conduct our tests on such aspirants, more often than not, people fail and we assume they are not good enough.
While some relationship scholars will say even if you love him, continue to pray for a vision, Some teachers suggest we look around us and choose a fellow child f God who our heart, a supposed throne of God, agrees with.
With these different mindset as different from each other as North to South, we end up not making our minds up and we keep procrastinating.
And you know the funny thing?
Because marriage is not one of the three necessities of life like clothing, shelter and food; it is easy for us to forget about it for a while and keep our hearts busy with other cares of this world.
Hence, almost no one really spends time to decide on what they believe and hold on to it.
We have jettisoned our parents in discussions on who to marry and now look up to Facebook speakers and writers for guide.
And with the almost innumerable criteria we have laid up in our hearts, we never really pinpoint any particular individual as God’s will.
I mean, even if you receive God’s leading, is it not too easy to tell ourselves it is just our mind playing tricks on us?
Especially when these people do not fulfill our criteria?
I think it will be quite deceptive and ignorant of me if I don’t mention our churches and the general society as one of these reasons.
With her often outdated rules and sometimes needless blockades, the church has scared many persons who have surmounted the three problems above.
In a situation where it takes almost six months after conviction before a man can actually meet a lady and let her know his mind, how can such a man not be afraid about the prospect or possibility of the said lady saying ‘No’.
And our sisters reserve the right to reject anyone, don’t they?
They do have the right to not agree with a man’s vision and plans since marriage is a partnership agreement.
The very much needful but elongated period it would take to go through the structures of our churches before even declaring your interest is a major challenge most brothers succumb to.
And they either swallow their words of proposal or try to sabotage such procedures- thereby irking the anger of the church elders.
Some of our churches have also stopped teaching the young adults about practical tips on knowing God’s will.
And these inquisitive minds are forced to seek Answers elsewhere, especially on social media, where people air opinions without much thought about consequences.
May God help us all.
Having talked about all these four problems, I must add that the solution I have is one.
Be sincere with God.
Be sincere with God.
I mean, absolute sincerity.
Tell him as it is and totally, completely, absolutely trust in him.
May God help us and never leave us alone.