It is with great happiness and confidence that I pen down these few words to make you know some of my thoughts.
You remember after your wedding when we hugged and I whispered some words of advice into your ears? Well, now I am lying here still thinking about the wedding ceremony and grateful for how everything worked out perfectly- everything. But I can’t help but feel a faint regret.
I regret that I cut the advice short and stopped whispering when I thought you were crying. I didn’t want to have to see you cry but now I realize that I should have continued speaking.
In a bid to remedy this and also satisfy my spirit, here are some things I feel I should tell you. I consulted with our Parent and siblings before writing this letter, so I can add their words of wisdom to mine.
I may not have ever been married and may not even marry soon but I think I have seen the two ends of marriage in this world. I have a seen a man beat his wife with iron-laden belt while she curses him and I have also seen the most blissful marriage there ever can be. I am sure you also know the two families I am writing about.
Vic mi, you know I love you and tears or words cannot quantify what we have for each other. We have lived together for more than two decades and we have sucked from the same breast, drink from the same cup and eaten from the same plate.
For the foregoing, I find it needful to write this open letter to you now that you have changed status and stopped going by the surname ‘Wahab’.
1. Your husband loves you more than me or anyone:
I want you to think about that for a moment. With the great love between you and I and also between you and each of our siblings and parents, the love he has for you is greater. I have seen it and I have felt it and I know it is a love that can push through any and every barrier. This is a journey you two are on and Love is the means of transport to take you through. Fight to keep this love alive and do all you can to make it grow.
2. Be closer to God:
No one can see the future neither can anyone say with all certainty what tomorrow may bring. And that is why I believe we need God most. We can thrust our lives into his hands and go to sleep, knowing he has everything in His control. And what if life’s troubles beckon? We call to him to save and help us. What more? As you become closer to God, His Spirit will teach you all things and grant you perfect peace so that all will be well with your marriage. And if the devil raises its ugly head, he will be silenced by the power of God through prayers. As you abide with Christ, you have nothing to worry about. Serve God and He will not leave you.
3. Your life starts now:
I have always said when we go off to school, that is when we start our own life’s journey. But now I think it starts when we marry. Now you are saddled with looking after another complete human, taking care of him and fulfilling his every need. Our parents have done this for us in the past, now it is your turn. Cater for his needs and watch after his soul- he is now your responsibility.
4. Honour and Respect him:
The Good Book stated that ‘…wives should honour and respect their husbands’. Most, if not all men desire respect and while some may not ask for it, we still want to have it. Take his opinions seriously, respect his wishes, consider his feelings and in all your actions, ask for his advice. Discard your will and obey him; and when you have a suggestion or disagree with what he has said, in all humility, tell him.
5. Do more than dad and mom:
All parents want their children to be better than them in all areas of life. And as I’m sure you know, even having a marriage like mom and dad’s is enough to make one fulfilled and happy in this world. But I believe you will even do far better. Imagine, a marriage better than our parents’. It will just be heavenly. The same recipes they used and which helped them has been given to you already- mom told it to you, dad gave you. Now, use it.
6. You have married the best person in this life:
Before now, so many persons, men, have walked into your life as friends or classmates. Maybe some have even talked to you concerning marriage. But Vic, this is the man you have choser and most importantly, this is the man God has chosen. He is the best for you, he fits you perfectly and there is no one who can do better than him. So, remember this and trust him.
7. Give him peace of mind:
One of the things I think all men want is their peace. We all hate nagging and constant complaint. A little correction never hurts anyone but when it becomes so recurring, we get tired and put off easily. And for someone like your husband who is so cool and calm, being pushed around or nagged is very unpleasant. Make your requests and corrections known but don’t let it become persistent and tiring. Give him peace of mind.
8. Respect and love his family:
When I asked mom for her input, what she this is what she emphasized. To respect your new family and draw them close to you. Show them Love like you do for us and do not allow any disagreement go unsettled. In fact, when you want to do anything, consider them first before you consider us. We have lived with you all your life, we will understand. Place them before us. You are alright.
9. We are all still here for you; both family and friends:
Yes, you might have gone off from us and cleaved to another family now, but I want you to know you are still very much a part of us. Our doors will forever be opened to you. When mom wakes at night to pray, she will still mention you and every time dad makes plans for his children, he will count you among. All your friends are also still there to offer their advice and help you whenever you need them. So Vic, just call us, we will answer.
10. Don’t lose the good in you:
I know your strong points and you do too. Build on all these. Don’t let this new path of life with its peculiar pumps take away the good side of you. Keep your laughter and your confidence. Keep your faith and your goodness. And if you feel the need to change anything, change your weakness and faults to strength and refinement.
Great prayers have been offered to God on behalf of this marriage and the Almighty God, the beginning and the end, the Alpha and Omega, the Great I am, the creator of heaven and earth, the One whose words stands forever, the lover of your soul, He will answer all the prayers and be with you every step of the way.
Once again, Happy Married Life.